Slylock Fox, Esq.

I find it hard to believe that the theft of ten cans of oil would result in a jury trial. With our overburdened court system and overcrowded jails, it seems like an incredible waste of judicial resources to try someone for petty theft, especially of cans of oil, which I'm pretty sure no one even sells anymore.

Judge Owl, realizing the terrific waste of taxpayer money unfolding before him, has his gavel raised, ready to interrupt whatever nonsense Slylock is spewing to the jury because SLYLOCK IS NOT A LAWYER! Isn't practicing law without a license a crime? Not that Slylock would know it, because HE'S NOT A LAWYER! He must have the makings of a great lawyer though because the jurors are standing and leaning over the jury box, mezmerized by his deft legal arguments. "Tell us more about this petty theft," they are saying.

And how did Shady Shrew's ridiculous story ever pass muster with the prosecuting attorney? Anyone would be able to tell that in order for Shady to have his fan belt adjusted the car's hood would have to be raised, obscuring his vision. Which means that for some imponderable reason, Shady is committing perjury to frame Andy Ape for stealing of 10 cans of oil, which, as I may have mentioned, probably don't even exist.

Am I right?
I am! I win this round, Bob Weber Jr.